This Is My Morning Routine

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Let me walk you through my morning routine.

I fall out of bed, rolling out from under blankets that refuse to release my entire body at the same time.  I struggle to find the floor through the mass of dog flopped over the floor between the bed and the bathroom. 

Thank goodness the bathroom is as close as it is.  I stumble into the bathroom, waiting for our angry orange tiger to trot in before I close the door.  I perform my ablutions while petting the cat, as I am required to do. Once I am done, he permits me to brush my teeth before I crack the door so he can shove his way through dog paws to leave me.

As I open the door, the dogs push and shove against me, licking and wagging.  They urge me to feed the cats as quickly as I can so that I can then give them the treats they say they deserve because the cats receive canned cat food.  Yes, the dogs deserve puppy treats, in their minds, because I have one old nearly toothless cat that requires wet food daily.

I do have very polite cats.  They do not care how long I sleep in.  When I am unwell, our resident grump, the tiger from the bathroom first thing, will hop on the bed, meow at me then lay down beside me.  He seems much more interested in making sure I am alive than making me get up to feed him.  I am not rushed once I do get up.  I am, however, followed.  The cats also eye me intently.  They, of course, always maintain an air of disdain throughout the process.  At least until the food is on the plates and on the way to the table.

Two cans of cat food, one on each plate.  These plates I place on the dining room table and then I try to get out of the way as fast as I can.  That’s when the starving beasts come out and attack the food.  They only attack two at a time.  This is how they share.

Then I saunter back into the kitchen to toss each dog a bone.  Next, I have to feed the angelfish.  The fish are probably more demanding than the dogs.  They are definitely more demanding than the cats. Thankfully, I can’t hear them under the water…and they cannot leave their respective tanks. They have earned the nickname my drogs so dog-like are they.

Between feeding cats and feting dogs, I also have to throw a package of frozen mini pancakes into the microwave, twice, to ensure my actual child does not starve in the midst of all this cacophony.  First, the pancakes go in upside down for thirty seconds.  Then I have to flip them over and cook them for another thirty seconds.  Cooking them upside down for the first round ensures that the top of the pancakes is not “too wet” for the boy when the pancakes arrive for his perusal.

After all of that, I am free to drink a glass of water.  I get a glass of orange juice and put my tinctures into it so I can drink those down without being grossed out.  Now, I can decide what to eat.  Usually, my breakfast is oatmeal.  Lately, it has been instant oatmeal because I have been too tired to do anything else.  I already have water heating to make tea, so oatmeal is an easy option.

Maybe after all of that, I can start my day.  I can pull out my notebook and write.  I can check my email.  I can do whatever else I need to do to get the day going.

What about you?  What is your morning routine like?  How do you handle everything?

Let me know in the comments below.

*Don’t forget, I publish every Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, on a variety of topics, on Medium. Click here to read more.